Still Conflicted

The wavering back and forth…. is it wrong?…. or  is it right?…. seems to rear it’s ugly self again…and again…oh yeah…and again.

Yes, I am CONFLICTED.

I don’t watch Dr. Phil very often as I find him to be the UBER hypocrite.

SIDEBAR TO MY REGULAR READERS:  Several times,  I have shared  within a number of the 165 posts that I have done this year: that DP bugs me.  Probably the post that take the most direct tact of my  disdain would be the one where Dr. Phil is boarding my imaginary bus heading for a cliff  in the post called  The Bus is Loading.

OK back to my point for today.  I was watching a Tivoed episode of Dr. Phil because they were going to discuss the subject of kids being barred from restaurants.  Now this topic is making me nuts as I can see both sides of the coin.

Part of me is not OK with any group being banned from any public restaurant but the other part of me feels like some restaurants aren’t intended for small children.  OH…and there are some parents that seem to ignore their screaming, run a-muck children and that fact is  currently  steering me toward  the pro-banning column.  I am trying to hold my course that banning all small children might not be the answer.

It was quite apparent on the Dr. Phil show that there are clearly two sides and both sides are angry.  As the name of this particular show was The Brat Ban, it was clear from the get-go that there were going to be fireworks.  Call me crazy but I don’t think you are getting off to a good start with a group of parents when you start by calling their kids brats.

One mother was VERY vocal that her toddler could go anywhere she chooses and it is her right to bring her child into any restaurant that she can afford to dine at. She might as well of just said “Screw the rights of everyone one else”. Then…there were a lot of others in the audience that were vehement that she had no right to ruin their dining experience with a crying child.

From my perspective, I think there should be some expectation to maintain a nice atmosphere in a fine-dining restaurant.  So I certainly understand the point of view of the diners paying for “a white table cloth kind of dining experience”. They are wanting and paying for a certain ambiance.  Is the way to get there to ban all children?  If not, how do you enforce children that don’t behave.  For that matter, how do you enforce loud and obnoxious adults?  Wouldn’t they be asked to leave?  See …..I am very conflicted on this.

I personally wouldn’t take my toddler or now my grand-toddler to a nice restaurant.  We would be choking down the lousy pizza at Chuck-e-Cheese because that is where they could have some fun and fit right in.  Better yet, lets go to Red Robin.  I like their food and they give the G-Boys a couple of balloons and every one’s happy.

Conversly,  if I went to a “white table cloth” kind of restaurant (I am talking without taking small children with me)  and someone’s  toddler was making a fuss would I be angry?  I would try REALLY HARD to be patient.  They are children, after all.  If necessary, I might even ask to move to a different table.  I hope that I wouldn’t let it ruin my evening.

Another point of view that was expressed was from a waiter that works at a high-end restaurant. (at least that is the impression I had).  He was on the side that children don’t have a place in his restaurant and they need to go elsewhere.  He has a blog that is really quite interesting called  The Bitchy Waiter.  I loved some of his answers to the comments he received after the show aired.

SIDEBAR TO WAIT STAFF: I think there are occasions that within our family, we have been traveling and taken small children into restaurants that we might not otherwise take them into.  All I can say in our defense is that the tips were  WHOPPERS as we understand that children make messes. If there was a noise issue, we would be the ones outside walking them around while our meal turned to goo.

Just for kicks…here is a poll that was on the Dr. Phil Show.  What are your thoughts????

2) The child next to you is out of control and the parents are oblivious. What do you do?

Ask to be moved to a different table.
Ignore the child.
Complain to the server and ask them to talk to the parents.
Confront the parents.

 Mind you, I am not linking to Dr. Phil’s actual survey so the results will continue to change.  You can click here on his site though and read about both the show and the poll.  The Brat Ban

Now, you might be asking….why am I a hypocrite?

I have mentioned in previous posts that I attend a mainstream protestant church.  This particular church is one of the largest in the country with over 18,000 members and another  6 or 7 thousand  guests on any given Sunday.  As one might expect in a church of this size there is a whole wing of children’s Sunday school classes and nurseries.  AND for those that want to attend church with their children there are private rooms that you can sit in that allow you to have your children with you that overlook the sanctuary. (imagine the clubhouses at most ballparks) This allows for fussy children to remain with their parents.   BUT today, the people that sat behind us had a colicky little girl who was NORMALLY as sweet as pie, I am sure. (I don’t know this for sure…maybe she cries non-stop)  Never-the-less, she screamed during every prayer, every hymn, and most of the sermon.  The mom left with her for a short time but brought her back in crying.  

I couldn’t concentrate.  I just couldn’t find my connection with the message today.  I was trying to meditate and pray about some things on my mind, but I just couldn’t.  I wanted those parents to take their little one to one of the “quiet rooms”.   

I am not proposing that children be banned from the sanctuary.  Really, I am still not comfortable with banning an entire group….

BUT WHY DON’T PARENT’S RECOGNIZE THAT THEIR CHILDREN ARE DISTURBING OTHER PEOPLE AND TAKE THEM FOR A WALK.

Here is one of the poll questions that was on Dr. Phil and as of the time I was writing this post this is how the votes were shaping up.  What are your thoughts?

The child next to you is out of control and the parents are oblivious. What do you do?

45%

Ask to be moved to a different table.

16%

Ignore the child.

24%

Complain to the server and ask them to talk to the parents.

15%

Confront the parents.

There are 1000′s of songs about crying but not one that says…no crying in church or in nice restaurants.

The Good for the Day…. generally, I find small kids adorable.  I love being around little ones even if they are a bit fussy.

The Bad for the Day…. crying babies causing me to be distracted and making me feel guilty that I am not being more tolerant.

The Weird for the day… I watched another Dr. Phil show that has me asking questions.  I really need to stay away from that show.  I will tell you about that one on another day.

This article is copyright protected and may not be republished without permission.

Visit the authors site or share this article with your friends... Thanks!

• 

Cheryl - The Art of Being Conflicted

A veteran of corporate moves from which I survived moving 21 times for my husband's job. I currently am a married, middle-aged (if I make it to 116) middle income, mom living in the very middle of the country, with time on her hands to jot down observations, judgements, and musings about past and current events.

More Posts - Website