The New Improved You

A very interesting blogger over at Older Eyes  has had a couple of posts in which the subject of self-help books were mentioned.   From reading Bud’s blog, I can tell you he is not only a really good writer but a talented artist as well.

I used to be more of an “avid” reader but that has greatly decreased as my preponderance to sit my butt in front of a computer screen the better part of any given day has somewhat diminished the amount of actual “books” I read.  Don’t get me wrong, I still buy a gazillion books with many of them being those that would be listed under the “self-help” genre.

First of all, the category of “self-help” books needs to be divided into two distinctive categories.

The first category is the INSTRUCTIONAL books.  You know….books that are going to teach you something TANGIBLE.  A lot of these books look like this. I buy these books by the dozens.  I kid you not.  At any given time, I have 3 or 4 or more of them on my desk.  I devour these on all manner of topics.  These books are like popcorn that needs to be eaten.

This by the way, leads me to two major conclusions about my life.
 A. I am a Dummy
 B. I am a Complete IdiotIt, also, by the way, has me questioning my total lack of ability on all manner of subjects, or really…why would I need to be constantly reading books telling me that I am both a dummy and an idiot.  I don’t find this helpful.  Kinda counter intuative to the genre, SELF-HELP.The second type of self-help book deals with “INTANGIBLE” instruction such as improving your attitude, alleviating your worries and generally working on your psyche. These are the type of self-help books that I was commenting on over at Older Eyes.  These are, also, the books, that I am suspicious of.

My tendency to not “buy into” the mass produced self-help book  of the intangible sort, became apparent a few years ago when the book Who Moved the Cheese came out.  It’s not that I dont’ think the book’s parable with Sniff and Scurry and Hem and Haw wasn’t clever enough but there was the niggling little thought that kept saying the people were over-reacting a bit.  I mean…REALLY…every corporation in America was having corporate seminars about little mice nibbling on cheese.

At that time, I owned a corporate training company and one of the big communications firms, hired me for 8 weeks to develop seminars that ALL of their employees would be mandated to take on the subject of  “ACCEPTING CHANGE”.  In their case, the seminars were a precursor to a giant layoff that was about to befall them.  I guess you can call losing your job a form of change, but even as great of trainer (**crickets**) as I am, it it hard to spin that as a positive.

This “lack of enthusiasm” on my part,  continued when the company I worked for during the release of The Secret started having seminars where we were to work on our visualization of what we wanted in life.  Somehow it just didn’t seem right that I was visualizing “not having to work there.” Not to diminish thinking good thoughts,  I do believe in the power of positive thinking…I sense that some of you are surprised by this, and yes, I know that is not always evident.

As I am more than willing to try anything once, especially if thinking about it is easier than actually doing anything about it, I did in fact try thinking my way into being rich.  So far I have had minimal success.  According to the film, for those of you that haven’t had the privilege, there is a guy that sits in his recliner and thinks great wonderful thoughts about getting a new car and low and behold he gets one.  As I recall the guy was unemployed at the time, which begs the question,  is he able to afford this car… but leave it to me to question the Law of Attraction.  It is a LAW after all.

So, to summarize:

I do think there are bits and pieces in self-help books that may be motivational BUT ( ya’ saw that “but” coming, huh?) it is a bit of a challenge for an author to write a book in the genre of self-help unless he truly would have knowledge of the “self” that is reading it.

IN OTHER WORDS…I could (if I had any ability what-so-ever) write a book that would tell you that I can improve your happiness level by 100 percent by the end of business today.  That’s right…I have the magic formula to  improve your self-esteem  by 100 percent.  Money Back guarantee!!!!

In my opinion (in most circles “my opinion” is rated  on par at the same level as dog poo) the major hurdle here with my upcoming book and those that are already mass marketed is….we aren’t exactly sure of your level of [whatever the author is pushing].  As we/I don’t know a damn thing about you, it is a little brazen of me to say I can improve, modify, enlighten any of your emotions.  Still, feel free to buy my book and I will give it a try. At least with my book the price is in direct proportion to the quality. Free…which is also, how I can offer the 100 percent money-back guarantee.

Sooooo….for the sake of trying to be a team player here, I am going to write a self-help post.  Well, actually, I am just going to give you a teaser of a self-help post.  For the rest of my wisdom, you will have to buy the book.

So here goes…two things you can do to improve your self-esteem by 5:00.  You will look cooler and feel more self assured.
Number 1…Swimwear for winners.

For those of you that are ill at ease at the beach or pool…I am here to help.

For those of you out there that just are uncomfortable with modern swimwear, there is an alternative.   I know, I know, swimming suits can be  the single most crushing of the ego deflaters.   Clearly, even the most awesome bodies have a little jiggle here and there.

The solution…a wetsuit.  Why wear a revealing suit, when you can look super cool in a wetsuit?  Anyone that is questioning this fashion choice is quickly silenced with the ever useful line:

I AM IN TRAINING…this line is sure to impress and assuage any lingering doubts they might have.

Oh, you think wetsuits are too pricey…no problem.

Cheaper fix…. SPANX.  Say it with me, people…spandex is our friend!!!!  That’s right.  I know you think that Spanx is under-garment shaping but hey…buy the black separates.  Together it will look like a wetsuit.  (Men, you can do this as well, just be careful not to get a top with a built in bra…well unless you need that)

To further authenticate the look be sure to find you old YMCA swimming patch or wear a gold medal around your neck.

Hey, are you in training????

You are now rockin’ the beach!

Another tip that is sure to make you feel good about yourself.   Sunglasses!! Simple fix.  Everyone looks better in sunglasses.

After reading a rather interesting article over at Newsvine, where someone going by the name of Werdoomed made the comment that people’s attractiveness level drops between 10-70 percent when they take their sunglasses off. Frankly, I think Werdoomed is a genius. Truly, everyone looks way more attractive with sunglasses on. I do draw the line when people keep their shades on in dark rooms and at night as that is something else entirely. It’s not about looking good as much as not looking like you are “under the influence” of something.

See, Joe COOL

Even non-cartoon dogs look cool in sunglasses

What's Up

Little grandbabies look great in sunglasses

Whoa!!! BACK THE TRUCK UP….I SAID SUNGLASSES!!!!

NOT MR. POTATO HEAD GLASSES……

Maybe the pacifier with the Mr. Potato Head glasses isn’t cool

but it is very cute from a grandparent’s point of view.

yellow+glas

OK, I am visualizing him in sunglasses.  See

I can visualize and he is still very cute.

Cheryl - The Art of Being Conflicted

A veteran of corporate moves from which I survived moving 21 times for my husband's job. I currently am a married, middle-aged (if I make it to 116) middle income, mom living in the very middle of the country, with time on her hands to jot down observations, judgements, and musings about past and current events.

Thanks! You've already liked this